On Becoming Visible

Such irony in hiding from a blog called "On Becoming Visible"...  
Finally the clarity is here and I'm ready to show up.

"How do I blend the coaching/workshops/wisdom with the artist who wants to weld, mosaic, paint, knit, bead, silverleaf, and play with glass, wood, metal, fabric, fire, and water?"  Have been wrestling with that question for the past few years, never quite sure how to weave them together.  Now that it has, it's so obvious. It FEELS right.

The ego has been twittering in self-doubt, "what if they don't like it? What if I'm not good enough?" Hearing the message, "it's not about you, Kim" over and over -- intrigued, curious, baffled.  "If the work showcases my unique talents as an artist, how is it NOT about me? The vulnerable exposure of me on a platter! 

And every time I ran into issues of Intellectual Property -- huge gongs went off.  I asked a fellow artist what kind of glue she uses for outdoor glass, and she  refused, citing proprietary secret.  I asked another how she cut glass bottles, and got the same answer.  I felt rebuffed, rejected, angry. What beautiful gifts those were! Made me realize I do NOT want to be that kind of artist:  fearful that someone will steal my ideas and diminish my prosperity. A scarcity belief to toss on the compost pile! I love collaborating with other artists! (And we're all artists, we just forget.) THAT'S the kind of artist I want to be -- freely sharing ideas, inspiring each other. 

I created a series of experiential workshops, gathering a list of women who lit up when I told them my ideas. Kept saying I was going to hold the sessions. Any day now...  Yep, as soon as I stop the self-doubt and get it scheduled...  Yep, soon...

Fast forward, I sign up for welding classes at the local community college.  LOVE welding! Oh my gosh, playing with badass power tools? Especially the plasma cutter!! Cutting through metal with a stream of fire, creating a million sparks! Hell yes!

After just a few classes, the instructor asked if I wanted to volunteer.  I wouldn't need to pay for any more courses, instead come in when I want, work on whatever creative venture presents itself, with industrial-level tools, take photos, and talk with the other students about what they want to create. Um, win-win! 

Getting officially signed up to volunteer, I told the gal I'd been wanting to talk with her about possibly teaching some classes on crafting..." She leapt on it, and now my first of six classes starts on April 20th at 9am! 

And with that, the clarity arrives. Becoming Visible means showing up, shining brightly, and holding space open for others to do the same.  Sure, I'll sell my art too, but the purpose, the Life Purpose, is to be in flow, in creative play, and then open space for others to come play and experience focusing on what lights them up.  Ironically, becoming visible means actually becoming invisible, because I'm finally understanding how it's not about me.  And THAT'S a fun place to play in!  More soon! 

     

Simple Recipe for Overwhelm

Are you in overwhelm?  Trying to track too many things?  Getting lost in the minutiae of running your business, not sure how to prioritize?  I get that way too.  So many good ideas flying by, so many threads to track.  It all comes down to three activities:

Take in.

Connect.

Create.

Take in:  read, learn, study, listen, watch

Connect:  talk, engage, listen, network, be sociable

Create:  express, create product, share, teach

Breathe in

Touch

Breathe out

Inhale

Feel

Exhale

Take in, connect in the moment and with others, and share what you know. 

Learn, market, sell.

If each day you decide:  what you will learn, who you'll connect with, and what you will make available to the world, you will be in balance with the activities to run your business well. 

River as Metaphor

I’ve been standing on the edge of a precipice ready to leap.  Ready to launch a business.  Trained, experienced, planned, ready to go.  Yep, ready to leap.  Anytime now.  It’s been so long it’s become a thing unto itself.  Been parked here for a few years.  Lots of supportive imagery about soaring.  But at the core ... the image of leaping off a cliff makes me viscerally clench.

Time for a new metaphor. 

One that makes me eager to dive in. 

And then I remember.  How silly of me to have ever forgotten.

River as metaphor.  Always.

Same level of commitment, much gentler entry.  

Shoving off from the beach, the friction of the gravel giving way to ease. Turning into the current, flowing easily.  Committed to the journey.  Reading the water ahead, listening to it, respecting it.  Calling commands and ruddering with skill and finesse, the crew providing power to navigate obstacles and turn up the joy.  Together, we find the most fun route.  Pirouetting often, because sometimes I can’t tell my right from my left.  At times a gentle flow, relaxing and serene; other times riding such raw power yelling "waaa-hooo!" and grinning ear to ear.  Only vary rarely getting beat up.  Finding my comfort zone for the level of risk I like.  And at the end of the day, knowing I gave my crew an experience of joy, exuberance, occasionally appreciation of beauty and fun in the midst of bad weather, and always an expansion of what they believe themselves capable of.  

So let’s play with that metaphor.  I have MUCH better associations with gently shoving off at the put-in than the gut-clenching lunacy of leaping off a cliff.  Time to rekindle the whitewater river guide inside...

feeling this intense need to sound wise

When I'm in flow, the ideas that arrive feel brilliant and exciting.  Strategies, tips, awarenesses, perspectives, quotes, fun exercises to create deep learnings.  If I were being lead to these ideas and experiences in seminar, I would be delighted -- so others will too.  

And then I think about how to package it, present it, and sell it -- and flow stops.  Self-consciousness seeps in.  Watching myself as others see me -- or at least as I believe they do -- the Critique Cricket (I just made that up! :) starts chirping.  Not that I expect it to be bad, as my work is usually quite good, but the work is viewed from the point of examining it for flaws to correct.  My father was an engineer, so I learned to see the world from an evaluative viewpoint.  

When I then 'try' to present my ideas in 'the best' way, energetically it moves into a state of seeking approval, rather than staying in the flow of creative inspiration.  It makes sense that I want others to enjoy how I share my ideas -- that the quality and value exceeds their expectations -- but the strategy I'm using isn't working.  

So one way is to capture the ideas when they arrive -- that's where the flow is!  That delicious, creative, joyous ease of source energy flowing through!  It's about my energy, not my words.  So I'll videotape more, audiotape as they arrive, capture that unedited, pure flowing creativity.  "Bottled at the source."  And expanding my trust that it's -- lets say it again -- about my energy, not my words....

Soul Food ~ Dec. 26th Reverb10

What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Heavy cream.  In the middle of adrenal failure I suddenly couldn’t get enough of it.  I had an insane craving for dairy fat.  Even half-and-half wasn’t rich enough.  I poured it on strawberries.  On cereal.  Drank it straight.  Having learned to trust these cravings, I went with it, leaving guilt at the door.  Each sip brought profound pleasure and relief.  A thirst being slaked.  Then as suddenly as it began, it faded away.  I have no idea why my body needed it.  One winter it was pistachios, last year it was bell pepper and radish, which I’d disliked my entire life, and suddenly became scrumptious.  This year, it was the rich, round, mouth-velvet of heavy cream.  

Healing ~ Dec. 19th Reverb10

HEALING.  This entire year has been about healing.  Theme of my year, in fact.  In February I fell into adrenal failure and off the edge of the earth.  Brain fog, fatigue, muscle wasting, nausea,  ...oh and did I mention brain fog?  I've spent hours and hours on forums learning from others going through the same thing.  Came to realize I do, in fact, have a breaking point.  Okay, I could bore you with all the details of adrenal failure, vertigo, and broken ankle, but let's get to the good stuff.

What did I learn in this year of recovery?  To slow down.  In a year when I was trying to ramp up and go faster farther higher stronger, it's been a challenge.  Especially because I fell so far behind, so when I do have good days, I'd feel like I need to hurry and make as much use of it as I can.  If I try, my body interrupts and says, "Didn't we talk about this already?  I said slow down."  But how can I slow down if I'm trying to launch a new business and remodel a house?

Finally, I've started to understand.  Slowing down isn't about speed, it's about awareness.  About being present.  When I chop an onion, for instance, usually I'm thinking the next ten steps ahead, and feeling like I need to get it done quickly.  I rush through everything.  Why am I rushing?  I'm rushing through my entire life.  This very moment is all we have, yet I've been acting as if it's in the way of more important stuff.  When I slow down, I notice pleasure in the task.  It gets me out of my head and into my body.  When I'm just in my head I tend to race ahead.  But when I'm present in my body, in the moment, I'm able to be present and savor the task.  

So now I bring those concepts to the new business and the remodel.  Savor the tasks, be present.  Note the textures and colors and beauty of what I'm doing.  Fall in love with the process -- the process is all there is.

Cube Timer Mindfulness

Procrastination tip of the day:  Use a timer to prompt you to stay on task.  


Great for:  
- limiting how much time you fall into the emailfacebook vortex
- when tasks loom large, and it's hard to start because there's so much to do
- when you wander from one task to the next, frittering your time away


Get yourself one of those cube timers (google it).  You can use a kitchen timer, but I love the simplicity of just turning the cube timer to the side you want, in increments of 5, 15, 30, and 60 minutes.  Pick a task, and flip the timer to an amount of time you'd like to work.  Like right now, I've got it set for 15 minutes, because I want to stay focused only on writing this blog for the next fifteen minutes.  


Someone might say, "Oh!  But I have SO much to do, I really need to set it for two hours!"  If you were able to set a timer for two hours and stay focused on task the entire time without prompting, then you don't need this tip anyway.  You can flip the timer onto the "30" side four times in a row if you really want to devote two hours to a single task, and the half-hour beeps will help you stay on track.


When it beeps, take stock.  Are you still on task?  Have you wandered off, opened your email, or your favorite website?  Are you done with the task?  If not, set it for another 5.  (If you want 10 more minutes, you'll have to do 5 minutes twice with this timer.)  The beauty of keeping these increments short is it brings you back to mindful awareness of what you're doing.


I love using this for email wrangling.  I've recently become aware of how many HOURS a day I lose to email and facebook.  Now, I set the timer for 5 or 15 minutes, and then dive in guilt-free.  The timer is going to be my watch-dog, to pull me back to awareness, so I don't need to worry I'll lose track and spend too much time.   I can play with complete abandon, because my little timer friend will pull me back to awareness of how I'm using my time today.  


I'm starting a project that's so big it intimidates me a bit.  But I can easily work on it for 15 or 30 minutes to get going, and the timer lets me start, knowing I can break it into smaller chunks and stay focused the whole time.  Give it a go!  Let me know what you think.  :)